Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
