No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
