Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
