Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
