hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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