He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
