my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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