When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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