tell your sister to shave her snatch
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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