I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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