How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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