I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
