Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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