Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
