watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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