Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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