Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Be still, my beating vagina.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The air taste purple.
Randomize
