i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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