you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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