so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
