uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Randomize
