I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
