Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
