eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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