So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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