My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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