i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Congratulations! We have a period
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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