i permit you to call me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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