I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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