Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
