Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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