I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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