You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
