I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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