Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
