Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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