Already got asked if we're dating
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
