you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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