i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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