I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
