Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
