Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
