did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
