I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
