you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
