saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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