i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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