This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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