p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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