Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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