Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
