if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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