How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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