Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need a beard to bite.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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