thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
