just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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