turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
