Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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