You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
