New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
