I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
