Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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