billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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