I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
