Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
