But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize