You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
