Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
