So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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