I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
