Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
