guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
